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independents
It’s 6 o clock on Wednesday afternoon and the only things I’ve done this week are bedazzle a styrofoam penis with Swarovski crystals for my boyfriend, a very successful mentally unchallenged rap...
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money squad
Times are tough and the struggle is real. I just bought my daily red bull with change I found between the couch cushions. I had stale Pop Chips for lunch. Work is less frequent and my most recent...
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Surprise, Surprise
I should first begin with sincere apologies for not having written sooner, but rest assured I have a set of great excuses. Firstly, I have been very occupied over the last few weeks with drunk day...
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Growing up (is hard 2 do)
In the summer of 2010 I once drank so much four loko that I staple-gunned my boot to my ankle. I must have looked so insane and pathetic in the attic of my much older friend’s house, sitting on the...
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life alert in da club
“Um, is there molly in this?” “Oh, god honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am?! Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you’re going roll I’d rather you do it in the house.” **** (2008,...
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FASHION (turn to the left)
Damn, y’all! It’s certainly been a crazy couple of weeks. Last time we spoke I had just begun my most recent job, the hours (10 am-8 pm five days a week) I am just now getting used to. Of course, now...
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Fab With A Conscience
When I was in college at UNC Chapel Hill I was lucky enough to make friends with some of the most intelligent and fabulous people that walk this earth. We called ourselves Team Big Things, among other...
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some the wiser
The morning after I turned 24 my extensions had turned against me. Autumns are always a little rough for me. My birthday is in September, which never fails to put me in an existential haze. And no...
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It’s The Little Swags
When I feel like I haven’t done anything blog-worthy in recent history, I usually like to go through the photos on my phone and figure out what exactly I have been doing. According to the last month’s...
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PHOTOS: THE TEEN MERMAID BARBIE BITCH PARTY
Back in August, my BFF Sarah Sassafrass turned 23 and I flew down to Raleigh to surprise her. She was having the most 2013-themed party of all time and there was absolutely no chance I’d miss it. A...
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da fam disaster
Happy holidays n shit, folks! Allow me to ring in the season with this jpeg of my festive card (photo by Sass), which, now that I’ve stabbed every fed ex/kinkos employee into a bloody pulp to have...
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SEXUAL ABDUCTION
I may be a little late posting these, but seeing as I’m still fumbling around my apartment in a post-holiday haze singing “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas,” I figured the story of the BEST...
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(W)INTERNET INSANITY
“Everything is going to be okay,” I’ve been saying on repeat. To myself, to other people, to stray cats, to no one in particular. Every year this happens, so it should come as no surprise. I have...
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January Rewind
Ok, so January kinda sucked. Everyone was hungover from the holidays until about two weeks in, the freelance tv job market was bone dry, and no one wanted to party through their seasonal affective...
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Freeze No More
Everyone has their limits. As you know, I reached mine with winter about a month ago. Shortly after, from eating nothing but pasta and living off couch cushion change for weeks, I surpassed my limit...
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Cheap Thrills
This coming Saturday is my half birthday. Six months from that day I will turn 25, and though I see the flaws in weighing the value of my life in relationship to my age (“nothin but a number” and...
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Fake Housewife in New Jersey (and, ultimately, Queens)
Last we spoke I was near-homeless and knee-deep in the bullshit of finding a new apartment. In the past six weeks, while lying to you about possible blog updates (I prefer to think of it as “teasing”)...
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A Queen and Her Asshole
(Via Google Images) A lot of you (and when I say I lot I mean, literally, tens of people) have been outraged by how busy I’ve been lately. Well, sorry readers. Sorry that my schedule is jam packed...
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Virtual Reality
I don’t talk to Alex enough. You know Alex, my long time friend, the third big brother I never had, the one who has lived in LA for a few years and has what I think is an assistant-ish super...
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Summer, “Adult” Style
When I say “adult,” I don’t mean it in the pornographic sense, although, yes, my relationship is going well – thanks for asking! What I mean is, and I honestly didn’t realize this until recently,...
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